13 Ways Being a Mom Is Like Being a Flight Attendant

June 4, 2016 by Jennifer Carsen

1. People tend to forget that your primary job is to get them safely to their destination (Tulsa, adulthood, etc.) – not to keep them supplied with endless beverages, snacks, and entertainments.

2. You spend a great deal of time in close quarters with irritable, irrational people – particularly when the weather causes delays and cancellations.

3. Your job does not involve long stretches of time sitting around doing nothing (if it does, you’re probably doing it wrong).

4. Your job requires saying the same things over and over.
– “Please stow your tray tables in their upright and locked position.”
– “Aiden, the cat is not a footrest.”

5. You are required to do your job in a perpetual state of jet-lagged exhaustion.

6. Stepping away for a quiet moment to pee is surprisingly challenging sometimes.

7. Your job forbids you, on a regular basis, from saying what you truly think.

8. Your feet are sore at the end of the day no matter how great your shoes are.

9. There is a great deal of monotony and repetition in your day-to-day work, punctuated by unpredictable moments of sheer terror.

10. You find yourself answering a lot of questions that really don’t deserve a response.
– “No, sir, I cannot sell your 14-year-old a nip of Wild Turkey, even though we will all be on the plane for the next 12 hours so I know he won’t be operating a vehicle.”
– “No, Ella, even though Skittles are fruit-flavored and very colorful it is not the same thing as eating a bowl of fruit salad.”

11. Regardless of how frightened you may be, you always need to present a calm face – because all eyes are on you.

12. Patches of turbulence are inevitable.

13. No matter how bad things get, once you’ve started your journey, walking out is literally not an option.


3 Comments

  1. I have just righted a terrible wrong, although WHY it took me so long to do this, I have no idea. (I suspect #5, above, has something to do with it.) WHY had I not already subscribed to Mommy Tries by email? What is WRONG with me? (See, as well, #12, above.) Well, I fixed that in a hurry and am now free to say that this is brilliant. Yes to #1. As well as #5. And, oh my yes, #7. Also, #9. Plus, #12…yeah, that’s happening. As for #13: threatened to walk out last week if one more person to whom I gave birth got unhappy about one more bloody thing in their otherwise charmed existence. But am, clearly, still here. Okay, thanks for letting me vent. Feel free to send me a bill. Off to share.

    • Jennifer Carsen says:

      Thanks so much, Elizabeth! 🙂 Keep meaning to tell you that Lorelei LOVED the selections from your “children’s books that don’t drive me crazy” post – particularly Please Is a Good Word to Say. (Post is here: http://guiltychocoholicmama.blogspot.com/2016/05/5-childrens-books-that-dont-drive-me.html)

      • I’m so glad…thank you for telling me! And may I say that–no surprise–Lorelei has very good taste, because that book is beyond fabulous. Will you please pass along to her that my favorite parts are: 1)where the lady with the hat says, “WELL HELLO HARRIET AREN’T YOU THE CUTEST LITTLE THING?” Which we always read very loudly. And 2)where the boy with the tractor on his shirt keeps talking…and talking…and talking. Which we always read very, very fast. ;)P.S. Love the Slip ‘N’ Slide scene. Alas, my kiddos have exceeded the weight limit on those. So we just go out for fro-yo instead. Because I am just that resourceful of a mom.

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