1. Why so many children’s clothes – identical clothes, mind you – come in both “2T” and “24 month” sizes. I know I’m a little mom-brained and sleep-addled, but two years and 24 months are the same thing, right?
2. Why Pampers makes it so damn difficult to figure out at a quick glance which is the front side of the diaper and which is the back. I once bought a frozen Pepperidge Farm cake that said, on the bottom of the box, “This Is The Bottom.” It struck me as funny and a little ridiculous then, but I would have cried with gratitude when I was home with a newborn if the Pampers people had done the same thing.
3. That the little chair I made in seventh-grade woodshop class is a) still in my life, b) being used by my toddler on a regular basis, and c) supporting her weight without apparent difficulty. The high quality of middle-school craftsmanship is clearly underrated.
4. Why hardcover children’s books come with dust jackets – at least in our house, the much-loved Llama Llama Misses Mama is not destined to become a mint-condition collectible.
5. Why some very intelligent women continue to insist that a 40-week pregnancy is actually 10 months instead of 9. As any bookkeeper (or, hell, first grader) can tell you, only February has 28 days (4 weeks). The other months, with 30 or 31 days, are longer. All those little bits and pieces add up to a 40-week pregnancy being, yes, very close to exactly 9 months. It’s not a conspiracy, ladies.
6. How Lorelei’s adorable little feet can return home after a sweaty day at daycare smelling more pungently awful than the worst diaper she’s ever filled, by far. If I didn’t know better I’d swear they dipped them in liederkranz cheese during nap time.
7. That I would eagerly look forward to time alone in the house – so that I can vacuum.