My Weird Kids

July 22, 2014 by Jennifer Carsen


Eric and I are blessed to have such wonderful, healthy kids – who, it must be said, are off-the-wall nuts. In the past 48 hours we have experienced all of the following:

1. The little guy’s new favorite thing is not fire trucks, but fireĀ hydrants. He greets them like old friends and always bids them a fond farewell as we walk away.

2. I had to detain Lorelei in the bathroom yesterday and refuse to let her come out until she peed – it had been nearly a full 24 hours since she’d gone, though she kept protesting that she didn’t have to go. When the pee finally came, to quote her during an earlier bathroom session, it came out “Whoosh! Like a volcano.”

3. Nicholas has started pressing my right breast like a doorbell whenever I pick him up. “Button? Button?” he asks. I don’t know what he’s expecting that button to do.

4. Lorelei is now using the small 10-inch space between our washer and dryer as her “dressing room.” Unsurprisingly, given that Lorelei is bigger than many college freshmen, this doesn’t give her a lot of room to maneuver. There is much banging and contortionism.

5. Nicholas has recently started clasping Eric’s cheeks and talking directly into his mouth, like he’s ordering a burger and fries from a plastic clown head at a drive-through. He does this, for reasons unknown, only to Eric.

6. Lorelei decided to play restaurant with Eric the other night, the theme of which seemed to be “service with a scowl.” Eric’s meal consisted of a bunch of plastic grapes and comments including, “I said good day, sir!” and “You’ll eat it and you’ll like it.”

7. Nicholas loves to retrieve Lorelei’s dolls from the toybox and forcibly remove their clothes. We can’t tell if this is a normal little boy thing to do or signs of real issues with women down the road.

8. Lorelei met a little girl at the playground yesterday named Artemis, whom Lorelei insisted, over numerous protests, upon calling “Arsenal.” On the way home, Lorelei declared that she just thought “Arsenal” was a prettier name than “Artemis.”

9. Lorelei also sat down on the swings yesterday next to a little boy and his genteel European mother, both of whom looked slightly alarmed when Lorelei started repeatedly shouting at the top of her lungs “BABY ON A SWING LA LA LA LA!'” They eventually came around to her odd charms, but it was touch and go for a while.

10. We brought both kids to a minor-league baseball game on Sunday, and to keep Nicholas occupied I walked him around the stadium for a while. I eventually hoisted him atop a trash can so he could see what was going on. He immediately channeled his inner Elsa-on-a-balcony and broke into a chorus of Let It Go, complete with dramatic arm motions.

Eric and are are living in a perpetual state of amusement – and a bit of apprehension – as to what tomorrow will bring. We also fully accept that our kids are nuts (via nature or nuture) because we are, too.

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